Technology, Innovations, Funn, Day to Day.......!!

Sunday, July 31, 2011

Hangover ...






A husband wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open
his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of
water on the side table. He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him,
all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in
perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house.


He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table. "Honey, breakfast is
on the table, I left early to go grocery shopping.
Love You!"

Totally shocked with the note , he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there
is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table,
eating. He asks, "Son, what happened last night?"

His son says, "Well, you came home around 3 AM, drunk and delirious.

Broke some crockery, puked in the hall, and gave yourself a black eye when
you stumbled into the door". Confused, the man asks, "So, why is everything
in order and so clean, and
breakfast is on the table waiting for me?
I should expect a big quarrel with her!"


His son replies, "Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she
tried to take your clothes n shoes off, you said,


"LADY LEAVE ME ALONE! I'M MARRIED!"

Moral :
Self-induced hangover - $ 400.00
Broken crockery - $ 800.00
Breakfast - $ 10.00


Saying the Right Thing While Drunk - "PRICELESS

Saturday, July 23, 2011

A day spent without laughter is a day wasted !!

Dad to Tintumon: Whenever, I beat you how do you control your anger?
Tintumon: I start cleaning the toilet.
Dad: How does that satisfy you?
Tintumon: Coz, I clean it with your tooth brush !!

*************************
Dad: Do u know how 2 swim?
Tintumon: No.
Dad: A dog is better than u! It can swim.
Tintumon: So do u know how 2 swim?
Dad: For sure!
Tintumon: Then, what's the difference between u and a dog?

*************************
Tintumon called FM radio & said
"I've found a purse with Rs.15000/- a credit card & an ID card of Mr.Mani, No.13,Halls rd,kannur….
Radio jocky : How honest ….so you want to return his purse…?
Tintumon : no……. i just wanted to dedicate a sad song for him…

*************************
Father and tintumon were standing in front of the tiger's cage at the zoo.
The father was explaining how ferocious and strong tigers are, and tintumon was taking it all in with a serious expression.
"Dad," tintumon said finally, "if the tiger got out of his cage and ate you up …"
"Yes, son?" the father said expectantly.
"What bus should I take home?" Tintumon finished.

*************************
Tintumon was asked to write a sign board for the traffic near the school.
He wrote"Drive carefully! Don't kill the students, wait for the teachers"

*************************
Prof.: Chemical symbol of Barium?
Tintumon:BA
Prof.: For Sodium?
Tintumon:NA
Prof.: What will we get if 1 atom of Barium & 2 atoms of Sodium combines?
Tintumon:"BANANA"
*************************
The principal was annoyed by the noise during the assembly program.
“There seem to be several idiots in the auditorium this morning,Wouldn’t it be better to hear one at a time?”
Tintumon shouted, “Okay – you start.”
*************************
Teacher: Imagine u r a millionaire & Write ur life history.
Tintumon didn’t write.
Teacher: why are you not writing?
Tintumon : I’m waiting 4 my secretary 2 take notes….

*************************
PASSIVE VOICE !!
Teacher: Write the passive voice of " I made a mistake"
Tintumon: " I was made by a mistake"

*************************
PROFESSOR !!
A professor to tintumon: "what is attention deficit hyperactive disorder?"
Tintumon: "JIMBALAKDI PAMBA"
professor: "I don’t understand anything"
Tintumon: "same 2 you"

*************************
PTA Meeting !!
Tintumon: Dad, there is a small PTA meeting at school tomorrow…..
Dad: Wat do u mean by a small PTA meeting ?
Tintumon: its… just u, me & the Principal !

*************************
Techy Tintumon !!
Teacher: Write a C program to prevent TITANIC from sinking..
Tintumon: Declare the variable TITANIC as float…!!
*************************

Saturday, July 16, 2011

If you are on Facebook, I am sure you will find this hilarious

The 76-year-old woman walked down the hallway of Clearview Addictions Clinic, searching for the right department. She passed signs for the "Heroin Addiction Department (HAD)," the "Smoking Addiction Department (SAD)" and the "Bingo Addiction Department (BAD)." Then she spotted the department she was looking for: "Facebook Addiction Department (FAD)."

It was the busiest department in the clinic, with about three dozen people filling the waiting room, most of them staring blankly into their Blackberries and iPhones. A middle-aged man with unkempt hair was pacing the room, muttering,"I need to milk my cows. I need to milk my cows."

A twenty-something man was prone on the floor, his face buried in his hands, while a curly-haired woman comforted him.

"Don't worry. It'll be all right."

"I just don't understand it. I thought my update was LOL-worthy, but none of my friends even clicked the 'like' button."

"How long has it been?"

"Almost five minutes. That's like five months in the real world."

The 76-year-old woman waited until her name was called, then followed the receptionist into the office of Alfred Zulu, Facebook Addiction Counselor.

"Please have a seat, Edna," he said with a warm smile. "And tell me how it all started."

"Well, it's all my grandson's fault. He sent me an invitation to join Facebook. I had never heard of Facebook before, but I thought it was something for me, because I usually have my face in a book."

"How soon were you hooked?"

"Faster than you can say 'create a profile.' I found myself on Facebook at least eight times each day -- and more times at night. Sometimes I'd wake up in the middle of the night to check it, just in case there was an update from one of my new friends in India . My husband didn't like that. He said that friendship is a precious thing and should never be outsourced."

"What do you like most about Facebook?"

"It makes me feel like I have a life. In the real world, I have only five or six friends, but on Facebook, I have 674. I'm even friends with Juan Carlos Montoya."

"Who's he?"

"I don't know, but he's got 4,000 friends, so he must be famous."

"Facebook has helped you make some connections, I see."

"Oh yes. I've even connected with some of the gals from high school -- I still call them 'gals.' I hadn't heard from some of them in ages, so it was exciting to look at their profiles and figure out who's retired, who's still working, and who's had some work done. I love browsing their photos and reading their updates. I know where they've been on vacation, which movies they've watched, and whether they hang their toilet paper over or under. I've also been playing a game with some of them."

"Let me guess. Farmville?"

"No, Mafia Wars. I'm a Hitman. No one messes with Edna."

"Wouldn't you rather meet some of your friends in person?"

"No, not really. It's so much easier on Facebook. We don't need to gussy ourselves up. We don't need to take baths or wear perfume or use mouthwash. That's the best thing about Facebook -- you can't smell anyone. Everyone is attractive, because everyone has picked a good profile pic. One of the gals is using a profile pic that was taken, I'm pretty certain, during the Eisenhower Administration. "

"What pic are you using?"

"Well, I spent five hours searching for a profile pic, but couldn't find one I really liked. So I decided to visit the local beauty salon."

"To make yourself look prettier?"

"No, to take a pic of one of the young ladies there. That's what I'm using."

"Didn't your friends notice that you look different?"

"Some of them did, but I just told them I've been doing lots of yoga."

"When did you realize that your Facebooking might be a problem?"

"I realized it last Sunday night, when I was on Facebook and saw a message on my wall from my husband: 'I moved out of the house five days ago. Just thought you should know.'"

"What did you do?"

"What else? I unfriended him of course!"






Smile... It Makes you Beautiful !

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Communication problem

Communication should be effective:


Memo from CEO to Manager



Today at 11 o'clock there will be total eclipse of the sun. This is when
the sun disappears behind the moon for two minutes. As this is something
that cannot be seen every day, time will be allowed for employees to view
the eclipse in the parking lot. Staff should meet in the lot at ten to
eleven, when I will deliver a short speech introducing the eclipse, and
giving some background information. Safety goggles will be made available at
a small cost.



Memo from Manager to Department Head:



Today at ten to eleven, all staff should meet in the car park. This will be
followed by a total eclipse of the sun, which will appear for two minutes.
For a moderate cost, this will be made safe with goggles. The CEO will
deliver a short speech beforehand to give us all some information. This is
not something that can be seen every day.



Memo from Department Head to Floor Manager:



The CEO will today deliver a short speech to make the sun disappear for two
minutes in the form of an eclipse. This is something that cannot be seen
every day, so staff will meet in the car park at ten or eleven. This will be
safe, if you pay a moderate cost.



Memo from Floor Manager to Supervisor:



Ten or eleven staff are to go to the cark park, where CEO will eclipse the
sun for two minutes. This doesn't happen every day. It will be safe, and as
usual it will cost you.



Memo From supervisor to staff:



Some staff will go to the car park today to see the CEO disappear. It is a
pity this doesn't happen every day.