Sardar Strikes again...

Sardar: My mobile bill how much?
Call centre girl: sir, just dial 123to know current bill status
Sardar: Stupid, not CURRENT BILL my MOBILE BILL.



Sardar: Miss, Did u call me on my mobile?
Teacher: Me? No, why?
Sardar: Yesterday I saw in my mobile- “1 Miss Call".


Sir: What is difference between Orange and Apple?
Sardar: Color of Orange is orange, but color of Apple is not APPLE.

Sardar attending an interview in Software Company.
Manager: Do U know MS Office?
Sardar: If U give me the address I will go there sir.

Sardar in airplane going 2 Bombay .. While its landing he shouted: " Bombay ... Bombay "
Air hostess said: "B silent."
Sardar: "Ok. Ombay. Ombay"



Sardar: Doctor! My Son swallowed a key
Doctor: When?
Sardar: 3 Months Ago
Dr: Wat were u doing till now?
Sardar: We were using duplicate key
Dr: So why did you come today?
Sardar: We lost the duplicate key!!

IT World....

If you have been in IT/Corporate industry too long these are your symptoms:

1.) U use phrases like "No issues" and "Value addition" in everyday parlance. For e.g. When talking about your doodhwalla, U say, "His milk does zero value addition to my health but he is the only guy around so no issues"

2.) Ur prime source of entertainment is the forwards send to U by friends whose faces U cant remember.

3) U drink more tea or coffee than water.

4) U keep trying to shut down ur home computer by pressing Ctrl+Alt+Del (used to lock office comps)

5) When ur mobile rings at home, U rush outside to receive thecall.

6) When U make calls at home, U accidentally dial "0"to get an outside line.

7) U haven't played Solitaire with real cards in years.

8) Ur last crush was a girl in HR, ur current crush is the new girl in HR and all ur crushes in the future will be girls in HR.

9) U spend the entire day reading forwards, smoking cigarettes or drinking tea/coffee and playing T.T. and then complain about the late working hours.

10.) Ur important 'meetings' usually comprise two or three people max, including yourself.

11) U secretly prepare for CAT only to find ur PL sitting behind you at the exam.

13.) U keep pressing Ctrl+Enter wondering why your gmail is not going.

14.) U email ur mate who works at the desk next to U.

15.) As U read this list, U r thinking of sending it to ur friends who are also in IT/Corporate.

Joke..

Bhikhari: Saab 6 rupaye de do, coffee pini hai.


Man: Kyoun 1 coffee 3 rupaye ki hai na?



Bhikhari: Par Saab sath mein Girl Friend bhi hai.



Man: Bhikhari ho aur Girl Friend banali?



Bhikhari: Nahin Saab, Girl Friend ne Bhikhari bana diya.

Computer Joke.......!

A Spanish teacher
was explaining to her class

that in Spanish, unlike English,

nouns are designated as either
masculine or feminine.

"House"
for instance,
is feminine:
"la casa."

"Pencil,"
however,
is masculine:
"el lapiz."

A student asked,
"What gender is 'computer'?"

Instead of giving the answer,
the teacher split the class into two groups,
male and female,
and asked them to decide
for themselves whether
"computer"
should be
a masculine or a feminine noun.

Each group was asked
to give four reasons
for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that
"computer"
should definitely be
of the feminine gender
("la computadora"),
because:
1. No one but their creator
understands their internal logic;

2. The native language
they use to communicate
with other computers is
incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes
are stored in long term memory
for possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make
a commitment to one,
you find yourself spending
half your paycheck
on accessories for it.


The women's group,
however, concluded
that computers should be Masculine
("el computador"),
because:
1. In order to do anything
with them,
you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data
but still can't think for themselves;

3. They are supposed
to help you solve problems,
but half the time
they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one,
you realize that if you
had waited a little longer,
you could have gotten
a better model.

Taare Zameen Par...

If Karan Johar made Taare zameen par....

Obvious starcast:

Shah Rukh Khan as the arts teacher (duh duh duh!!).
Aryan Khan as the dyslexic child (even if he could not act for nuts).
Rani Mukerjee as the kid's mom (assuming Kajol is unavailable).
Abhishek Bachchan as the kid's dad.
Amitabh Bachchan as the school principal (who cares if the role is ultra minute, he can afford it).
It would be shot in New York to appeal to the NRI audience.
The story line would obviously be different. SRK would fall for the dyslexic kid's mom. The last scene would have the mom running to the teacher rather than the kid. And again, like in so many other movies, SRK would get someone else's girl.
It would have one dance number.
The film would be titled ' Kuch Taare Zameen Par.'


If Sanjay Leela Bhansali made Taare zameen par...

Obvious starcast:

Salman as the teacher.
Rani as the mother.
Of course the whole film would be shot on elaborate sets. The school would be nothing short of Harvard university.
An orchestra would play every time anyone cried.
Slow motion, different camera angles for every scene.
The school uniforms would match the classroom walls even though that does not make a f***ing difference.
The film would cost 60 crores.


If Farah Khan made Taare zameen par..

Obvious starcast:

SRK as the teacher (yawn).

In the original Taare, Aamir makes an entry at the interval point. In Farah's version, SRK would be on screen on for 2.30 hrs out of the 2.45 hrs and would be introduced in the first scene itself.
The story would be changed to make sure the above happened. The focus of the film would be a teacher who helps a kid fight dyslexia.
To make it a complete entertainer, there would be a romantic angle, comedy, and action thrown in. Oh idea!! Nikumbh's character likes another teacher and the kiddo helps him.. throw in some comedy moments there and you have romance and comedy settled. For action.. hmm.. lemme see.. oh yah, the kid gets kidnapped and the teacher fights the baddies to save him. Wow!! I'm quite an imaginative writer. I can see how Farah can write a film from scratch in two weeks straight.

The film posters would have a big SRK with the tiny image of the kid in the background.


If Rakesh Roshan made Taare zameen par...

Obvious starcast:

Hrithik Roshan as the teacher.

Since Rakesh Roshan cannot think beyond science fiction these days, this film would have that too. Instead of dyslexia, the kid would have alienositis or something, a condition induced due to him witnessing an alien abduction.
Instead of Nikumbh being an arts teacher, he would be a physics teacher, and instead of asking kids to be creative, he would ask them to challenge the science we know.
In the scene where Nikumbh asks the kids to open their minds and make whatever they want outdoors, the kid Ishaan, instead of making a boat, would end up making a working spaceship prototype.
Nikumbh would cure the kids problem by making a full fledged version of the kid's prototype, traveling to the alien planet, and asking them to give the kid his powers back.
The film would have music by Rajesh Roshan ripped off from some world music.
The film's name would again start with a K.. probably ' Kuch Aliens Taaron se Zameen Par' .
The director would make sure Hrithik gets to show all his abilities.

This would mean a scene with Roshan jr flexing his muscles, and a dance competition in the end, instead of an arts competition.

If Priyadarshan made Taare zameen par...

Obvious starcast:

Akshay Kumar as the teacher.
Paresh Rawal as the kid's dad.
It would be a brainless comedy. The kid's dyslexia would be made fun of. Half the times the parents will be running after the kid from one room to the other and that, in the director's opinion, would be funny.
The film will be full of sex jokes. So for example, when Akshay would come to the parents telling them that their son has dyslexia, the ignorant father would say something inappropriate like 'iss umar mein? par kaise, woh to hamesha boys school mein padha hai!'. And yes, the director would think it is funny.
In the climax of the film all the characters in the film would run around in the amphitheater for no reason, spilling colors on each other. That's where the film will end, without any logical conclusion.

And of course, Paresh Rawal would emote like an epileptic himself making us question the boy's mental abilities anyway.

Difference between Focusing on Problems and Focusing on Solutions..!!!

Case 1

When NASA began the launch of astronauts into space, they found out thatthe pens wouldn't work at zero gravity (ink won't flow down to the writing surface). To solve this problem, it took them one decade and $12 million.They developed a pen that worked at zero gravity, upside down, underwater, in practically any surface including crystal and in a temperature range from below freezing to over 300 degrees C. And what did the Russians do...?? They used a pencil.

Case 2

One of the most memorable case studies on Japanese management was the case of the empty soapbox, which happened in one of Japan 's biggest cosmetics companies. The company received a complaint that a consumer had bought a soapbox that was empty. Immediately the authorities isolated the problem to the assembly! line, which transported all the packaged boxes of soap to the delivery department. For some reason, one soapbox went through the assembly line empty. Management asked its engineers to solve the problem.

Post-haste, the engineers worked hard to devise an X-ray machine withhigh-resolution monitors manned by two people to watch all the soapboxes that passed through the line to make sure they were not empty. No doubt, they worked hard and they worked fast but they spent a whoopee amount to do so.But when a rank-and-file employee in a small company was posed with the same problem, he did not get into complications of X-rays, etc., but instead came out with another solution. He bought a strong industrial electric fan and pointed it at the assembly line. He switched the fan on, and as each soapbox passed the fan, it simply blew the empty boxes out of the line.

Moral:

Always look for simple solutions. Devise the simplest possiblesolution that solves the problems. Always focus on solutions & not on problems. So the end of the day the thing that really matters is HOW ONE LOOK INTO THE PROBLEM and Resolve early.

Kidz Paper..!!

Good Creativity..!!!

Now thats surprising....Airtel to Vodafone..???

Last Week when I had logged on to airtel website by simply typing
www.airtel.com



The most surprising element which I got to see was the site of vodafone as below:



I was really not able to find the reason for this??? Are both companies able to explore this fact or still need to be???