Getting Married....!!

Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want then, when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Man: Is there any way for long life? Dr: Get married. Man: Will it help? Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come. -----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Why do couples hold hands during their wedding? It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!
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Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do? Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes. -----------------------------------------------------------------------------

It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged. It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered. -----------------------------------------------------------------------------

It is difficult to understand GOD. He makes such beautiful things as women and then he turns them into Wives. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If u r married please ignore this msg, for everyone else: Happy Independence Day -------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he'll fall asleep before you finish. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------

There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Girlfriends r like chocolates, taste good anytime. Lovers r like PIZZAS, Hot n spicy, eaten frequently. Husbands r like Dal RICE, eaten when there's no choice. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Man receives telegram: Wife dead-should be buried or cremated? Man: Don't take any chances. Burn the body and bury the ash. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Prospective husband: Do you have a book called 'Man, The Master of Women'? Salesgirl: The fiction department is on the other side, sir. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: Why dogs don't marry? A: Because they are already leading a dog's life! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------

There was this guy who told his woman that he loved her so much that he would go through hell for her. They got married and now he is going thru hell. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Fact of life: One woman brings you into this world crying & the other ensures you continue to do so for the rest of your life! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: Why doesn't law permit a man to marry a second woman? A: Because as per law you cannot be punished twice for the same offence!

Inter caste marriages..!!

Grandmother was pretending to be lost in prayer, but her prayer-beads were spinning at top speed. That meant she was either excited or upset. Mother put the receiver down. "Some American girl in his office, she's coming to stay with us for a week." She sounded as if she had a deep foreboding.

Father had no such doubt. He knew the worst was to come. He had been matching horoscopes for a year, but my brother Vivek had found a million excuses for not being able to visit India , call any of the chosen Iyer girls, or in any other way advance father's cause.Father always wore four parallel lines of sacred ash on his forehead. Now there were eight, so deep were the furrows of worry on his forehead. I sat in a corner, supposedly lost in a book, but furiously text-messaging my brother with a vivid description of the scene before me. A few days later I stood outside the airport with father. He tried not to look directly at any American woman going past, and held up the card reading "Barbara".

Finally a large woman stepped out, waved wildly and shouted "Hiiii! Mr. Aayyyezh, how ARE you?" Everyone turned and looked at us. Father shrank visibly before my eyes. Barbara took three long steps and covered father in a tight embrace. Father's jiggling out of it was too funny to watch. I could hear him whispering "Shiva Shiva!". She shouted "you must be Vijaantee?" "Yes, Vyjayanthi" I said with a smile. I imagined little half-Indian children calling me "Vijaantee aunty!". Suddenly, my colorless existence in Madurai had perked up. For at least the next one week, life promised to be quite exciting.Soon we were eating lunch at home. Barbara had changed into an even shorter skirt. The low neckline of her blouse was just in line with father's eyes. He was glaring at mother as if she had conjured up Barbara just to torture him. Barbara was asking "You only have vegetarian food? Always??" as if the idea was shocking to her. "You know what really goes well with Indian food, especially chicken? Indian beer!" she said with a pleasant smile, seemingly oblivious to the apoplexy of the gentleman in front of her, or the choking sounds coming from mother. I had to quickly duck under the table to hide my giggles.Everyone tried to get the facts without asking the one question on all our minds: What was the exact nature of the relationship between Vivek and Barbara?

She brought out a laptop computer. "I have some pictures of Vivek" she said. All of us crowded around her. The first picture was quite innocuous. Vivek was wearing shorts and standing alone on the beach. In the next photo, he had Barbara draped all over him. She was wearing a skimpy bikini and leaning across, with her hand lovingly circling his neck. Father got up, and flicked the towel off his shoulder. It was a gesture we in the family had learned to fear. He literally ran to the door and went out. Barbara said "It must be hard for Mr. Aayyezh. He must be missing his son." We didn't have the heart to tell her that if said son had been within reach, father would have lovingly wrung his neck. My parents and grandmother apparently had reached an unspoken agreement.They would deal with Vivek later. Right now Barbara was a foreigner, a lone woman, and needed to be treated as an honored guest. It must be said that Barbara didn't make that one bit easy. Soon mother wore a perpetual frown.Father looked as though he could use some of that famous Indian beer. Vivek had said he would be in a conference in Guatemala all week, and would be off both phone and email. But Barbara had long lovey-dovey conversations with two other men, one man named Steve and another named Keith. The rest of us strained to hear every interesting word. "I miss you!" she said to both. She also kept talking with us about Vivek, and about the places they'd visited together. She had pictures to prove it, too. It was all very confusing.

This was the best play I'd watched in a long time. It was even better than the day my cousin ran away with a Telugu Christian girl. My aunt had come howling through the door, though I noticed that she made it to the plushest sofa before falling in a faint. Father said that if it had been his child, the door would have been forever shut in his face. Aunt promptly revived and said "You'll know when it is your child!" How my aunt would rejoice if she knew of Barbara! On day five of her visit, the family awoke to the awful sound of Barbara's retching. The bathroom door was shut, the water was running, but far louder was the sound of Barbara crying and throwing up at the same time. Mother and grandmother exchanged ominous glances. Barbara came out and her face was red. "I don't know why", she said, "I feel queasy in the mornings now." If she had seen as many Indian movies as I'd seen, she'd know why. Mother was standing as if turned to stone. Was she supposed to react with the compassion reserved for pregnant women? With the criticism reserved for pregnant unmarried women? With the fear reserved for pregnant unmarried foreign women who could embroil one's son in a paternity suit?

Mother, who navigated familiar flows of married life with the skill of a champion oarsman, now seemed completely taken off her moorings. She seemed to hope that if she didn't react it might all disappear like a bad dream. I made a mental note to not leave home at all for the next week.Whatever my parents would say to Vivek when they finally got a-hold of him would be too interesting to miss. But they never got a chance. The day Barbara was to leave, we got a terse email from Vivek. "Sorry, still stuck in Guatemala . Just wanted to mention, another friend of mine, Sameera Sheikh, needs a place to stay. She'll fly in from Hyderabad tomorrow at 10am . Sorry for the trouble."

So there we were, father and I, with a board saying "Sameera". At last a pretty young woman in salwar-khameez saw the board, gave the smallest of smiles, and walked quietly towards us. When she did 'Namaste' to father, I thought I saw his eyes mist up. She took my hand in the friendliest way and said "Hello, Vyjayanthi, I've heard so much about you." I fell in love with her. In the car father was unusually friendly. She and Vivek had been in the same group of friends in Ohio University. She now worked as a Child Psychologist. She didn't seem to be too bad at family psychology either. She took out a shawl for grandmother, a saree for mother and Hyderabadi bangles for me." Just some small things. I have to meet a professor at Madurai University and it's so nice of you to let me stay" she said. Everyone cheered up. Even grandmother smiled. At lunch she said "This is so nice. When I make sambar, it comes out like chole, and my chole tastes just like sambar". Mother was smiling. "Oh just watch for 2 days, you'll pick it up." Grandmother had never allowed a muslim to enter the kitchen. But mother seemed to have taken charge, and decided she would bring in who ever she felt was worthy. Sameera circumspectly stayed out of the puja room, but on the third day, was stunned to see father inviting her in and telling her which idols had come to him from his father. "God is one" he said. Sameera nodded sagely.By the fifth day, I could see the thought forming in the family'scollective brains. If this fellow had to choose his own bride, why couldn't it be someone like Sameera? On the sixth day, when Vivek called from the airport saying he had cut short his Guatemala trip and was on his way home, all had a million things to discuss with him.He arrived by taxi at a time when Sameera had gone to the University. "So, how was Barbara's visit?" he asked blithely. "How do you know her?" mother asked sternly. "She's my secretary" he said. "She works very hard, and she'll do anything to help."He turned and winked at me.

Oh, I got the plot now!

By the time Sameera returned home that evening, it was almost as if her joining the family was the elders' idea. "Don't worry about anything", they said, "we'll talk with your parents." On the wedding day a huge bouquet arrived from Barbara.
It said......

"Flight to India - $1500.
Indian kurta - $15.
Emetic to throw up - $1.

The look on your parents' faces - priceless"

Ads from Shaadi.com..too Good just read and u cant stop laughing...!!

These are Boys ads taken from shaadi.com

These are actual ads on a matrimony site. Grammar and spell errors have no
place in a profile description as everything is straight from the heart!
Disclaimer: I am not responsible if you forget your basic grammar after
reading this mail...

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- Hello To Viewers My Name is Shekhar , I am single i don't have female,
If anyone want to Marie to me u can visit to my home. I am not a good
education but i working all field in bangalroe.. if u like me u welcome to
my heart...when ever u want to meet pls visit my resident or send u
letter.. Thanks yours Regards Shekhar ~*~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i want very simple girl. from brahmin educated family from orissa state she
is also know about RAMAYAN, GEETA BHAGABATA, and other homework
(Homework?)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wants a woman who knows me better and can adjust with me forever. She may
never create any difficulties in my life or her life by which the entire
life can run smoothly. thank you
(The principle of running life smoothly was never so easy!)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
she should be good looking and should have a service. she Should have one
brother and one sister. she should be educated.
(ain't it unique !! 1 brother 1 sister criteria !)
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I am a happy-go-lucky kind of person. Enjoys every moments of life. I love
to make friendship. Because friendship is a first step of love. I am
looking for my dreamgirl who will love me more than i. Because I love
myself a lot. If u think that is u then why to late come on ........hold my
hand forever !!!
(The dilwale dulhaniya effect)
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i am simple boy.I have lot of problem in my life because of my luck now i
am looking one gal she care me and love me lot lot lot
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My wife should be as 'Shivani' as in Kahani Ghar Ghar Ki and as Tanwerr as
in KSBKBT......
(Ok I haven't seen these soaps but I am sure he must be demanding too
much,ain't he?)
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HYE I AM A GOOD LOKING BOY,WHO HAS THE CAPABILITY TO MAKE ANY
BODY TO LOUGH.I BELIEVE IN GOD AND ACCORDING TO ME FRIENDS ARE
THE REAL MESSENGER OF GOD. THE 3 THINGS I AM LOOKING FROM A GIRL ,
THEY ARE
1. THEY MUST BELIEVE IN GOD.
2. THEY HAVE TO LIKE MY PROFFESION
3. AND THEY SHOULD NOT GET BORED WITH ME WHEN I WILL TRY TO MAKE
THEM LOUGH.
(all of us are loughing{laughing})
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whatever she may be but she should feel that she is going to be someone
bride and she must think of the future life if she is too like this she
would be called the woman of the lamp
(I am clueless, I feel so lost. Can anyone tell me what this boy wants)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i love my patner i marriage the patner ok i search my patner and I love
the patner ok thik hai the patner has a graduate ok
(I am again clueless but I liked the use of "ok". The person is suffering
from "Ok-syndrome")
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
HI IAM VERY COOL NUATHER OK MY HOBBY IS SEE T.V AND NEWS OK
I HAVE
1 CAR AND 1 BONWL OK MY MOTHER ALSO GOOD OK MY FARUET WORLD
IS OK (the "ok syndrome" again)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am pran my family history my two brother two sister and Father & mother
sister complity marred
(somebody please explain in comments section how to get married
'completely'?)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
iam very simpel and hanest. i have three sister one brother and parent. I
am doing postal sarvice and tailor master my original resdence at kalahandi
diste naw iam staing at rayagada dist.
(actually what is this guy doing? Postal service or tailor.??)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
my name is muhamad and i am unmarried. pleaes you marrige me pleaes pleaes
pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes
(height of desperation! J )
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Iwant one girl who love me or my mother. she love me heartly or she havea
frank she's skin colour 'normal'not a black or not a whitey. IThink the
main think is heart if your heart is beautiful then you are beautiful. But
iam not a handsome guy or not a good looking. but my Mom say that Iam a
good guy. My father already expired .. THE CHOICE IS YOUR.
bye bye.
(uttama purushan)
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iam kanan. i do owo businas.one sistar.he was marred.
(No comments)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I AM LITTLE FAIR INDIAN COLOUR. I DON'T HAVE ANY HABIT.
(maybe the poor guy meant BAD habits)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
hello i am a good charactarised man. i want to run my life happily.i
divorced my first wife.her charactor is not good'. i expect the good minded
and clean habits girl who may be in the same caste or other caste accepted
....
(but credit cards not accepted..???)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
my colour is black,but my heart is white.i like social service
(Zebra..???)
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i'm looking out for who lives in bombay, girl simple who trust me lot
should be roman catholic, LOVE ME ONLY.
(Now that criterion is a must, isn't it?)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
to be married on jan-2006. working woman perferable
(this guy has fixed the marriage date too! But he is yet to find a bride. I
wish him best of luck on behalf of all of us. I am sure he will get one
soon.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i would like a beautyfull girl. and i do not want her any treasure.
Because girl is the maharani.
(Now she is going to be a lucky girl! Any takers?)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ssc failed three times and worked with privated ltd company which not
paying salary at present.
(Any takers again?)

Before and after marriage

Before marriage....

He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: No! Don't even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course! Over and over!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: No! Why are you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Every chance I get.
She: Will you hit me?
He: Are you crazy! I'm not that kind of person!
She: Can I trust you?
He: Yes.
She: Darling!

After marriage....
Simply read from bottom to top.